Slowly Saying Goodbye
by lizzyclaire
Summary: After being away for a year, all Ash wants to do is see Mary-Lynnette. Unfortunately when he goes back, things aren't nearly the way he left them, and his time to fix things, is running out.
1. Coming Home

**I (unfortunately) do not own the nightworld or any of it's very, very, very sexy boys. **** *sigh***

Ash P.O.V

The day I'm about to tell you about, was the worst and best day of my life all wrapped up into one. Best because I was returning to my Mary-Lynnette after a year of being away, worst because - , well, you'll find out in a little bit.

I approached my sister's house a vampire speed. My heart swelled in anticipation of what I was about to do. Soon I reached the front lawn of the house. There was a noticeable improvement in the houses appearance. The gate's hinges had been replaced on the picket fence, and it had been repainted. The house's exterior had also been repainted, and the front porch looked about half way finished.

I bounded up the front steps, skillfully avoided some of the remaining holes in the porch, then reached the front door. I opened it as silently as I could, and quietly snuck into the house. I was planning on uprising everybody.

A fire was lit in the fireplace, casting shadows along the edges of the living room. I kept my back against the wall, felling like a ninja as I rolled and crawled around the room. Everyone else in the room had their heads together, talking in hushed tones. It really wasn't hard for me to approach them unnoticed.

I was currently behind the couch, from listening to their voices I could tell that Jade was the closest one to me. I got in a jumping position, prepared myself for a second, then lept at my unsuspecting family.

Leaping on to the couch, I landed on Jade, pulling her into a bear hug. Everyone screamed, Jade, unfortunately, in my ear. It took everyone a minute to realize what was going on, but when they did, they all started screaming again.

"Ash!" Jade squealed.

"You're home!" Rowan rejoiced.

"Took you long enough." Kestrel added.

This time Jade attacked me, pulling me into a hug that nearly crushed my ribs. I let out a laugh, rejoicing in how good it felt to be home. Rowan and Kestrel joined Jade in hugging me, and Mark smiled at me from the other side of the couch. But something was missing.

"Where's Mary-Lynnette?" I asked, franticly looking around the room for my missing soulmate.

The room fell deathly silent again, and everyone looked slightly uncomfortable.

"She's in the backyard." Mark answered finally.

I untangled myself from my sister's grasp and headed outside, head held high. I opened the back door slowly, wondering what on earth my Mary-Lynnette could be doing out here at this time. I found her leaning against one of the wooded poles holding up the roof of the porch, head turned up to face the heavens. That gave me the answer to my question; she was stargazing, of course.

I made my way slowly towards her, the boards under my feet squeaking with my wait. Mare's head snapped around to face me, her eyes widened slowly and her jaw dropped.

"Ash?" She asked, as if she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her.

I nodded slowly, and we both just stood there, staring into each others eyes. I took a hesitant step towards her, then she threw herself into my arms. I held her to me as tightly as I could as she buried her head in to my chest. I released her slightly to cup her chin in my hand and bring her lips to mine. I welcomed the pink haze that ment I was with my Mare. Her soft lips pressed against mine, and my fangs sharpened the slightest bit, but I willed them to dull again. I could never take blood from my Mare without her permission.

Eventually she pulled away from me, gasping for breath.

"You're back." She said, gracing me with the gorgeous sound of her voice.

"I'll always come back to you." I know what I said was cheesy, but it was true.

A smile spread across her face, taking my breath away with its beauty. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, you don't know how many times I've caught myself thinking about you while I was away." Mary-Lynnette was in every dream I had a night, and behind my every thought during the day. She had never really left me mentally, but being close physically was so much better.

I took a small step away from her, taking in everything about her that had changed while I was away. Her hair had gotten longer, and from my arms around her waist, I could tell that she had gotten curvier. She had also gotten paler though, and as I looked closer, I could see slight bags under her eyes.

"Mare, are you okay?" I asked worriedly.

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you're not sick or anything, right?"

That was when she looked away from me. She opened her mouth for a second, and then closed it again. This drove me crazy.

"Mare," My voice shook slightly, "Why won't you tell me anything?" Her lower lip trembled slightly, but she still didn't say anything. "Mare!" I exclaimed. What could be so bad that she couldn't tell me about it?

Finally her lips parted slightly, and she whispered, "I'm dyeing."

Then I fainted.

**MWAHAHAHAHA! CLIFFHANGER! Yea, that's right; I bet you totally hate me right now. I just left you with the biggest cliffhanger I could think of. But, if you review enough, I might post the next chapter really quickly. The temptation is killing you, isn't it?**


	2. The Dream

**Yep, that's right; I do not own the Nightworld, The totally amazing L.J. Smith does. **

**Not even Mr. really sexy Ash Redfern. *tear***

"_I'm dyeing" She whispered._

_ Then I fainted_

Everything was dark, even with the eyes of a vampire I couldn't see anything. That is, until something in the distance started glowing. It was small, like a speck of gold. I took off running towards it, wanting the light so I could see where I was.

As I got closer, I saw a distinct human shape to the glow. Soon I was only a few feet away, and I was able to make out detail. The glow had taken the shape of Mary-Lynnette.

I closed the space between us, and the figure of Mare turned to smile up at me. That was when I realized that it wasn't a glowing figure shaped like Mary-Lynnette; it was that Mare, who was standing in front of me, was glowing.

I hesitantly reached out a hand and caressed her cheek. It felt the same as always, like soft, human, flesh. Her golden glow seamed to be radiating from inside of her, lighting her up inside and out.

Then suddenly, her light began to dim. No, I thought. Her light can't dim, because if her light goes out, then she'll die. I didn't know how I knew this; it was just like how in dreams sometimes you just know things with out being told.

The light kept slowly going out, and now when I looked at Mary-Lynnette's face, instead of a smile, I saw a look of worry and fear.

"What can I do?" I asked, using my voice for the first time in this place.

She shook her head slightly. "Nothing." Her voice sounded distant, I had to listen carefully to make it out.

"There has to be something I can do. I'm not going to just stand here and watch you die!" My voice broke slightly at the end.

"You can't do anything." She said calmly. The glow radiating from her skin was dangerously dim now; I knew I didn't have much time left with her.

"Mare please!" I begged. She slowly shook her head again; her expression was no longer worried and fearful, but sad and longing.

Her knees gave way beneath her. I caught her and held her close to me. My eyes filled, and a single tear trickled down my cheek.

"Mare you can't die!" I sobbed. But I got no answer this time, because that's when Mare's light went out.

I clutched her to me so tightly it would suffocate someone living. Tears rained down my cheeks and landed in her hair, sparking like dew drops. Sobs racked my body so violently that I fell to my knees; Mare never leaving my grasp.

Her body was soon cold in my arms, the surest sign that she was dead. I had lost my self control all together. My sobbing turned hysterical, and the unbearable pain in my chest was making me crazy. I buried my face in her hair, letting sorrow and pain take over my body.

But then it went away. Suddenly all of the pain lifted from me when I heard someone calling my name.

"Ash?" Called a voice so beautiful it had to be that of an angel. "Ash!" It called again, sounding so worried and desperate that it pulled at my heartstrings. "Ash, wake up! You have to wake up!"

I'm not awake? So then this is a dream? But it feels so real. I even felt the pain of a lost soulmate.

Speaking of my soulmate, I looked down, expecting to see her dead body still in my arms, but she was gone. I was once again in the darkness.

"Mare?" I called; witch was extremely stupid considering I had just watched her die.

"Ash please!" The voice cried again.

Suddenly everything started fading around me. I lost all feeling for a second, and then it felt like I was lying on my back. Small tendrils of some sort were tickling my exposed arms and poking at me through me jeans. A cool breeze blew against my face and made my hair whip around as if it had a mind of its own. I could hear soft sobbing somewhere nearby; my eyelids flickered, then opened slowly.

The first thing I saw was the night sky, bits and pieces lit up by small, brilliant pieces of light. My thoughts immediately went to Mary-Lynnette, and unfortunately, my previous dream. It had seamed so real, there was no way it couldn't have actually happened.

I heard a small sob on my right; I turned towards the sound only to see the tear streaked face of my Mary-Lynnette. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she had her hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs. Half of my heart was crushed at seeing her so sad, while the other half jumped for joy because my Mare was okay.

"Ash?" She said hesitantly before another sob escaped her lips.

"Mare." I breathed, before I quickly sat up and clutched her to me. She let out a sharp breath as our bodies collided, but held me back all the same.

"Are you okay?" She asked into my chest.

I pulled her away slightly so I could look into her eyes. "Me? Why would you be worried about _me_ if you're the one that's – that's…" I couldn't bring myself to say the word.

"Dieing." She finished for me, sending a shiver of pain through my body.

"Why? What could be wrong?"

She looked down, breaking our eye contact that I had been holding on to so desperately.

For a few seconds she didn't speak, then she mumbled, "I have cancer."

I nearly fainted again, but then I remembered something. "So I'll turn you into a vampire. I know you don't want to become one right now, but if you do, then the cancer will go away."

She shook her head slowly. "Rowan already tried that. The cancer's in my blood, so it makes vampires sick."

"So there's nothing we can do?"

She shook her head again, her eyes never coming up to meet mine.

No, I wouldn't believe that. No matter what Mare, Rowan, and the rest of my family said. I would find a cure, and my Mary-Lynnette would live, she just had to.

**OMG! Don't you just want to cry! Ash is **_**never**_** gonna give up until he finds Mare a cure! *tear* **

**Yea, I ended up getting a bunch of sad books from the library to prepare myself for writing this story. So far I actually ended up crying, but not that much. I bet you're wondering right now if I'm really gonna make Mare die, well I just have one thing to tell you, I'm not going to tell you.**

**I know every one says this, but I'm going to say it too just for the hell of it. You ready? … **

_**PLEASE REVIEW!**_


	3. Dealing

**Yep, I don't own the Nightworld, the amazingly talented L.J. Smith does.**

I spent the next half hour holding Mary-Lynnette in the grass. I kept her in my lap, letting her sob into my chest as a few stray tears flowed down my own cheeks. I t seamed so ironic that as soon as I got my precious soulmate back, I was doomed to lose her again.

Mare was embarrassed of her tears. She kept trying to stop them, but every time she made some progress, she would break down again. She had told me that this was the first time she had cried because of her illness. It was also the first time that she had admitted to herself that she was scared.

Eventually her tear flow stopped. I picked her up and brushed her off.

"We should go inside now, it's getting cold."

She nodded slightly, wrapping her arms around herself as if in agreement. Her eyes were still on the ground, she hadn't looked at me much since I had fainted earlier.

"Hey," I said, placing my hand under her chin and gently lifting her face upwards. I ran my thumbs across her cheeks, wiping away her tears and trails they made. "I love you."

She took a step towards me as to where our foreheads were touching. "I know. I love you too."

I gave her the best smile I could manage, which wasn't very big. Then I took her hand and lead her into the house.

Warmth washed over me from the fire as I opened the back door. Every head in the room turned to face us, and I saw everyone tense at Mare's clear distress. Seeing everyone's reaction to her appearance, she quickly turned her face to the ground, letting her hair fall down and blocking their view of her face.

"Ash," Mark called. I turned to face him, and saw him swallow before going on. "There's something we need to tell you. It's about Mary-Lynnette."

Mark looked uncomfortable, and he had a pained look in his eyes. "I think I already know."

"I told him." Mare added.

I saw Mark nod, then I lead Mare over to the love seat. Before I was able to sit down though, Mark came over to me and whispered that he wanted to talk to me alone for a second. I glanced at Mary-Lynnette for a second. The corners of her mouth pulled up slightly as if in a smile, then I followed Mark as he led me upstairs.

He took me into my room, something that hadn't changed at all since I had left. He shut the door behind us.

"So?" I asked. I should have felt bad about being short with him, but even not being in the same room as Mary-Lynnette was putting me on edge. Knowing that my time with her was limited made my longing for her even stronger. My skin prickled with the need to touch hers, my mind craved the pink haze that came with kissing her, and I found myself unconsciously keeping tabs on the precious silver cord that connected us, making sure that nothing was wrong on the other end.

Nothing had gone wrong, I found myself wanting to chuckle at the thought. _Everything_ had gone wrong. Something horrible was happening to Mare and I couldn't stop it. I had saved so many people with circle Daybreak, but when my own soulmate needed me the most, I couldn't save her. The thought made me feel disgusted with myself. The big bad vampire could do so many bad things, but he couldn't do this one good thing.

"Well," Mark said, pulling me out of my trance, though the feelings I had still remained. "Mare said that she told you she was sick, I just wanted to make sure she told you everything."

His words sent shivers down my spine. It could get worse? Was it not enough that I was already losing my soulmate? There had to be more? "Like what?" I asked in a shaky voice.

Mark took a deep breath. "It's killing her, the cancer." I nodded weakly, telling him to go on. "The doctors said to act normal, as if nothing is happening. For Mare's sake, of course."

Even though they're trying to act normal she still knows what's going on, I thought. There's no way they told her she was dieing, but Mare's smart, she probably figured it out.

"The doctors - , well she's going in for more tests tomorrow, but so far they think she has about a month left to live."

I exhaled sharply. That's all? All I have left with my Mare is a month? No. I felt bile rise in my throat, and my heart rate picked up. I had to get to my Mare. Now.

"Thank you for telling me this Mark." I said with no emotion in my voice. He nodded, then skillfully stepped to the side as I made a bee line for the door. I quickly threw it open, and hopefully didn't hit Mark.

I flew down the stairs in time to see Mary-Lynnette walking towards to door, cell-phone in hand. I rushed over to her and wrapped my arms around my soulmate, causing her to jump slightly.

"Where do you thing you're going?" I asked while nuzzling her neck.

"Outside?" She tried. "Mark asked me earlier to call and ask dad if he could spend the night here. I forgot, so I have to do it now." She glanced at the door."I really need to be going soon; it's getting late."

I made a groaning noise at the back of my throat at the thought of Mare leaving, even for the night. "Don't go." I begged.

She turned in my arms so we were facing each other, and wrapped her arms around my neck. I placed our foreheads together. "I have something I need to do early tomorrow.

"Please spend the night, just tonight. For me."

She sighed and untangled herself from me. She held up her cell-phone. "I'll ask."

I followed her out side; she walked out on to the front lawn and started pushing in numbers on her phone. I went to the edge of the front porch and leaned on the railing, watching her the whole time.

For the most part the night was silent, the only exceptions were the leaves of trees and bushes rustling in the slight wind, along with Mare's precious breathing mixed in with mine. She held the phone to her ear as it rang. I didn't try to listen to the other end of the conversation, I figured it didn't really matter.

"Hi dad…Yea, I'm okay…Well, Mark says that he wants to spend the night here, and I was wondering if maybe I could as well…Yea they have enough room, and if I have to I'll sleep on the couch…*sigh* Yea, I know…Kay, I'll be back before 10, and if I'm running late I'll just go strait to the hospital."

Those last words sent shivers down my spine. Mark had said earlier that she was going in for more tests the next day, that must be what they were talking about.

"Okay…I love you too…bye" She pulled the phone away from her ear and pressed the end button. Instead of turning around she just kept staring out at the horizon. Looking through the soulmate bond, I was hit with a wave of worry and anxiety. The tests at the hospital scared her; she knew that the results weren't going to be good.

A feeling of protectiveness came over me so strongly that it hurt; suddenly I knew what I had to do. Before I tell you what I did though, I want you to know that I didn't do it because I was the same horny bastered that I was before I left, because I wasn't. I did this because first, I wanted to take Mare's mind off of everything, at least for a little while. I also wanted to pleasure Mare, because soon I wouldn't be able to anymore.

I came up behind her and, wrapping my arms around her waist, I nuzzled her neck. We were in the exact same position as before. "Who said you were sleeping on the couch?" I murmured seductively.

My plan worked, her thoughts shifted immediately. She spun around in my arms and connected our lips, she began sucking at mine hungrily, as if making up for all of the time we lost in the past year. Both of our moods had changed almost instantly, and the way she pressed her body to mine turned me on more than ever before.

My hands roamed her curves, and hers locked themselves in my hair, pulling slightly. I moaned into her mouth and felt her completely melt into me. It was during one of our longest and most passionate kisses yet that she suddenly pulled away.

"Wait," She commanded, but I didn't listen, and ended up forcing myself upon her. "Ash, wait!" She said after placing her hands on my chest and pushing me away.

My eyes widened. "What? I didn't hurt you, did I." I asked, expecting the worst.

She shook her head, and I let out a breath. "I just figured that it'd be best to go inside before someone sees." Oh. Guess I didn't think that one through.

I planted another quick kiss on my love's lips, then grabbed her hand and led her inside. When I opened the front door I saw Rowan in the living room reading a book on the couch. I could hear Kestrel walking around in her room, and Mark and Jade doing something in hers that I'd rather not think about. We headed for the stairs, practically flying all the way up. At least, until Mare tripped.

She had probably miss judged the height of the step, not lifting her foot high enough. That's not what I thought about though as I watched my soulmate fall face forward on to the wooden steps. She held out her arms to catch herself, and she would have been able to if she were strong enough to support her own weight. Her elbows bent from the failed attempt, and her head nearly collided with the edge of a step, but by then I had gotten my arms around her and was holding her up.

We were both breathing heavily as I slowly pulled her up and clutched her to me. What could have happened played out in my mind, no matter how much I wanted it not to. Mary-Lynnette's head smacking into the wood, her skull cracking and blood going everywhere, a house full of vampires going into blood lust. Even worse, I myself draining Mare of blood. I shook my head, stopping my thoughts from going any farther.

I looked down at Mare who was clutching my arms with all the strength that she had, and that was when I realized just how weak she was. Mare was usually so much stronger than this, I would know from her previous kicks to my shins. I had realized that she was weak earlier, but I had gotten distracted and forgotten. This showed just how sick she really was. I couldn't have sex with her after this.

"Are you okay?" I asked her gently. She looked at me for a second with wide eyes, then nodded slightly. I took a few seconds to make sure she was standing up strait, then with my arm around her waist, slowly led her upstairs.

When we got to my room I didn't let Mare go until we were both sitting on my bed. I pulled her onto my lap and burred my face in her hair, inhaling her sent in one of the places where it was strongest. I began talking to her through our bond.

_Your sickness, it's really bad, isn't it?_

She sighed, then answered in the same way. _Yea._

_You shouldn't be scared Mare. _I said, commenting on what I had felt earlier.

_What do you mean? I have every reason in the world to be scared._

_Well, you shouldn't have to think about any of this. You shouldn't spend the last bit of your life worrying._

_I can't do that, I'm too practical. _I really hoped that that was her trying to make a joke out of all of this. _And besides, you should practice what you preach._

_Uh-uh. See my position's totally different. While you're not supposed to worry, it's my job to worry about you._

_Well, I don't think I've_ _done anything to really upset the Goddess, so I shouldn't be that bad off._

I gave her the slightest of chuckles, just enough to show that I was giving her her props.

"I'm not gonna live with out you. I hope you know that."

Mare's mental voice had been wavering. Using it didn't come as easily to her, and was a slight strain. It wasn't good for her to use it a lot, especially in this state, so I had stopped. She had also gotten somewhat sleepy, and was now leaning against my chest with my head resting on top of hers.

"I can't say I ever really expected you to. Now I don't want this to sound like I'm telling you to kill yourself when I die," I flinched at her words. "but I don't want you to be miserable."

I heaved a sigh. This really wasn't something I wanted to think about, but I'd have to eventually anyways. I started stroking Mare's hair. "Well, now that I think about it, I guess eventually I'll go back to circle daybreak. Continue to help find the last Wild Power."

I looked down at Mare to see her smiling slightly. "I'm really proud of you, you know. All of the good things you did while you were away." Mare and I had kept in touch somewhat over the past year. I would write to her about all of the things going on in the mansion, and she would write about the few things that happened here. She had never told me about her cancer though, if I had only known, I would have come home sooner.

"I did them all for you."

Her smile widened, then she gave a huge yawn. "Tired? You've had a long day."

She nodded, then pushed my arms away so she could stand up. My eyes bulged for a second as she started pulling her tee-shirt up over her head, then I saw the white undershirt she had on underneath. It hugged her slim body sexily, and gave me a good view of the black lace bra she had on under that. **(A/N: I denied Ash sex, I had to at least give him that.) **She didn't seam to care though as she knelt down on the bed next to me and started kissing my lips.

Her kisses were sweet and gentle and tasted wonderful. I laid back on the bed, pulling Mare along with me. Her dark hair cascaded down from her head and tickled my face, and her midnight blue eyes shown like jewels as I placed a small kiss on her nose. Then I picked up my sweet Mare, pulled back the covers on my bed, and placed her underneath them. I got up for a second to strip down to just my boxers, ( a more comfortable sleep wear) then joined her under the covers. Mare snuggled up next to me, and I cradled her against my chest.

Her eyes closed almost immediately, and soon after that her breathing became slow and even. I pressed my lips against her forehead, then murmured, "I love you." before falling asleep as well.

_**Yay! I'm done with chapter 3! Don't I like, SO deserve a high five right now? Right? Right? No…never mind then. **_

_**Yea, well, I'm sorry it took me so long to update, I first posted this story during winter break, and now I'm back in school again. I know, bummer right? **__**L My mom also got a new computer (Yay for me!) and she had to download word on to it, so that stalled me for quite a few days. Sorry.**_

_**But, on a lighter note. Yay! 6 pages on my computer and 11 in my note book. That's a record. Too bad for you guys my other chapters probably wont be this big, but I'll try to update as soon as possible. J**_

_**Also, I've been in MAJOR writers block for the past few days on this and 2 of my other stories. Thankfully I got over it on this story and one other one. So, Yay! (again)**_

_**Remember, reviews make me very happy inside. The happier I get, the faster I update. I'm pretty sure you guys are smart enough to do the math**__**. J**_


	4. Trying Anyways

**I do not own the Night World blah blah blah ON WITH THE STORY!**

Mare was late for her doctors appointment the next day.

I had woken up around 9:30, and was content with just laying in bed watching Mare sleep. At around 9:45 she had suddenly bolted up and demanded, "What time is it?"

That was when I remembered she had somewhere to be. "Late." I had offered.

She turned to look at the clock on my bedside table, and I saw her jaw drop slightly. She practically jumped out of bed, and I had to jump out after her so I could keep her from falling. I watched Mare run around the room, throwing on her shirt and grabbing her shoes. When she flew out the door and down the stairs I followed her closely, worrying she was going to fall down again.

When we got down stairs we saw Mark, already ready to go and waiting on Mare. She turned around for a second and gave me a small kiss. "I'll come strait here when I'm done." I nodded, and with that she was out the door, Mark running after her to keep up.

I let out a breath, anxiety already settling in my stomach for the results of Mare's tests. I heard a snort from the other side of the room, and turned to see Kestrel staring at me. My cheeks colored slightly as I realized I was still in my boxers. I went back upstairs to take a shower and put on clean clothes, then I spent the next two hours pacing the living room.

"Ash, sit down!" Kestrel finally demanded. I fixed her with a glare that could kill lesser beings, then leaned against the entry way to the kitchen.

Suddenly there was a loud banging at the door, and Jade, being Jade, skipped right up to it and opened the door with a huge smile on her face. When she saw who it was, she squealed "Mark!" then leapt onto the poor boy. He managed to take a few steps into the house, Jade's arms still around him.

Mary-Lynnette came in behind them, a distressed look on her face. She scanned the room, and as soon as her eyes found me, I saw them fill with tears. I held out my arms, and she ran into them, burying her face into my neck. I wrapped one arm around her waist, and held the back of her head with my other hand.

She let out a tiny sob, and I felt her tears spill over and land on my skin. I clutched her tighter and turned to look at Mark, desperate for an explanation.

He looked back at me with a forlorn expression. "The cancer spread faster than they originally thought. The doctors said she now has 2 and a half weeks left."

"At the most." Mare sobbed into me. My world all but shattered around me, I hadn't been expecting this. When I had first heard that I had a month left with Mare, I had taken the short time for granted. Now that time had been split in half, and I clung desperately to each passing minute.

I picked Mary-Lynnette up and quickly carried her to my room. I sat down on my bed and let her finish crying, rocking her back and forth gently as tears trickled silently down my own cheeks. When the worst of it was over we simply held each other, wishing time would freeze so we could stay like that forever.

"I don't want to die, Ash." Mare said suddenly.

I glanced down at her. I couldn't think of anything comforting to say, so I simply kissed her forehead and murmured, "I know."

The next week passed like sand slipping through my fingers. Every minute that I could spend with Mare, I did, though it never seemed like enough.

The first night I spent without her was hell, I got next to no sleep as I spent the whole night worrying about her. The last time I was away from her something horrible happened, and I feared the same thing would happen again.

So the next night, I fixed that. As soon as Mare's parents had gone to their room for the night, I snuck in through Mare's bedroom window. It scared the hell out of her at first, but she relaxed once she realized it was me. I felt relief at being able to curl up in her bed with her and rest, knowing that I was there to protect her from anything that I could.

Though as the week went on, I could see her getting weaker, sicker. I told myself over and over again that I couldn't do anything, and it seamed to be working, keeping me sane and under control. Then Mare took a turn for the worse.

^,^ ^,^ ^,^

Mare's P.O.V.

I couldn't move. My muscles didn't seam to want to obey me as I lay on my bed, feeling as weak as a wilting flower. My blood felt like poison running through my veins, stealing the strength in other parts of my body. I hadn't been nearly this bad yesterday, and my promised week and a half ahead of me sounded like a sick joke to me in this state.

I opened my eyes and managed to turn my head slightly as I heard my door open and the only person I didn't want to see me in this state walk in. Though that didn't mean _I_ didn't want to see _him._

"Ash," I breathed.

He closed the door behind him and was by my side in an instant. "Mark said you weren't doing well. I came as soon as I heard." He looked down at me with eyes filled with worry and concern. I gave him the slightest of smiles, hoping it would bring him at least some comfort.

He sat down on the edge of my bed and began stroking my hair gently. "Are you okay?"

"You worry too much, I'm fine." I said in the softest of tones. Even moving my lips was an tiring, just talking was an effort.

Ash let out a sharp breath, then suddenly grabbed me and held me to him. Tears pricked at my eyes as I longed to hold him back. To be able to wrap my arms around him and have the strength to hold on.

"You're not fine, Mare." He whispered. "And you're _never_ going to be fine unless I do something about it." While still holding me up with one arm, he used the other to gently lift my chin up, exposing my neck. That was when I realized what he was doing.

"Ash, no." I protested in the same soft voice as earlier.

He bent down and placed a kiss on my neck. "Why not?" His touch was gentle but his voice was fierce and protective. "I don't care what it does to me, as long as it gives you a chance of survival, I'll do it. My life means nothing to me in comparison to yours."

Ash, it might not even work." I tried to make him see reason. "Would it really be worth it to hurt yourself if I die anyways."

"As long as there's a possibility, I'll do it. I love you too much to give up without a fight."

I swallowed. I was too weak to argue with him anymore, and it didn't seam to be doing any good. He nuzzled my neck, inhaling my scent, trying to get his canines to sharpen.

"Don't fight it," He reminded me. "I would hate myself if I ever hurt you." And then he sank his teeth into me.

The bite stung for a few seconds, then quickly melted into pleasure. Ash reached out with his mind, touching mine, circling it, protecting it. It was as if he held my very soul in his hands, sheltering it from everything bad in the world. His love came off of him and washed over me in waves.

My mental powers weren't as strong as usual, but he sent some of his powers to me, making mine stronger. I was able to look into his mind then, and he opened himself up to me completely. Certain parts of his mind were just as beautiful as the first time I saw them, some even more beautiful because they were brightened with the good things he had recently done. But some areas were dimmer, duller. They were the parts of him mind that thought about me. Tainted with worry, guilt, concern, and a deep, throbbing pain that came with him knowing that he was losing me.

_Mare, please stop. You shouldn't have to look at that._ Ash told me gently.

_Sorry._ I replied, and went on to look at the bright parts of Ash's mind again.

Too soon, Ash pulled away from me, and our connection was broken. He quickly drew a finger nail across the base of his neck and held me up to him so that I could drink.

His blood was sweet and rich and tasted like pomegranate juice. I felt our minds connect again, and this time Ash explored mine. I could feel him going through my mind, and saw everything that he saw. I would offer up images or memories when he would wonder about or ask for something. He wanted to know everything, though I can't say I did much in life before he came around. He told me that my mind was a brilliant shade of blue, certain parts sparkling with bright, white light, a lot like the stars at night. We both laughed slightly at that.

Eventually he told me to stop drinking, and I obeyed immediately. I worried that if I took too much, I might hurt him.

He chuckled slightly, "I'll be fine. _I'm_ the one who needs to worry about taking too much." He had been listening to my thoughts.

I sighed and rested against his chest. He started stroking my hair again, lightly, but with love and affection. He started humming the melody of Paolo Nutini's Last Request. The song was slow and melancholy, but extremely soothing. I felt my eyelids droop, and eventually close as I let the sweet tenor of Ash's voice lull me back into unconsciousness.

^,^ ^,^ ^,^

Ash's P.O.V.

I woke up the next morning feeling like complete shit.

I had exchanged blood with Mare the day before, despite her protests, and finally now understood what she meant when she said her blood was bad for vampires. My whole body aced, my muscles screaming in protest whenever I tried to move. My ears were ringing, and a wave of dizziness swept over me whenever I tried sitting up.

Not long after I woke up, Kestrel walked into my room and handed me a water bottle full of blood. I took it from her gratefully and took a huge sip of it. I had expected animal blood, but what was in the bottle was richer, sweeter.

"What is this?" I asked, taking another sip.

"Mark." She replied. I spit what was in my mouth back out. Kestrel looked discussed, but kept talking. "It's not like we held him down and took it from him forcefully, he offered. He said you deserved it because you were saving his sister. He wont be able to give blood again for a few more days though, so you're getting goat tomorrow."

If I could have, I would have shrugged. "Tell him I said thanks. How's Mary-Lynnette?"

"A lot better. It kind of freaked out her parents when she skipped down the stairs this morning, so she and Mark told them what was going on."

I had to force myself to swallow what was in my mouth, and not spit it back out again. "They did what!"

"Oh, that's right, we never told you." I raised my eyebrows; this had better be good. "You see, one time we were all over at their house for dinner, and Claudine cut her finger chopping vegetables." My eyes widened. "We didn't bite her!" Kestrel snapped. "Unfortunately not all of us can keep our fangs from sharpening. They both freaked out for a little while, but then Mare was able to calm them down long enough to explain. Her dad took it pretty well, I guess that's who Mare got her coping skills from. Anyways, they know, and they said that as long as it makes Mare better, they'll deal."

"Well," I said, turning her words over and over again in my head. "I guess that's just one less thing we have to worry about. At least we don't have to fake her death or anything now. She also won't have to leave her family."

"Yea," Kestrel agreed, then she shrugged. "I'm gonna go, feel better." And then she was gone, and I was left to wallow in misery by myself.

The pain in my body had lifted ever so slightly when there was a nock at my door. I groaned, and was about to tell the person to go away when I heard a soft voice.

"Can I come in." I sighed. Mare.

"Yea," I said, my voice slightly off from disuse.

She opened the door timidly and stuck her head in, looking at me with appraising eyes. She slowly stepped into my room and made her way over to my bed. She laid down on the spot next to me, propping herself up with her elbows. We just stared at each other for a few minutes, noticing changes, things that had gone right and things that had gone wrong.

"Kestrel said you weren't doing so good." Mare said, finally breaking the silence. Her voice was soft. Not like yesterday, when she barely had enough energy to move her lips, but in a way that was gentle, and caring.

I shrugged, forcing myself not to wince. "I've been better, but I've also been worse, so there's really no room to complain." From the look on Mare's face, I could tell she didn't like the idea of me being worse. "And how have you been? Better, I hope."

She nodded, smiling. "I haven't felt this good in weeks. I feel like I could move mountains."

I smiled back, her happiness was contagious. "Well, I'm glad. You know, going through something like this is a small price to pay to see you so happy and healthy. I almost feel like I'm not doing enough to be getting this much back."

Her smile disappeared, and she laid her head down on the pillow next to mine. I hated the space between us. "I still wish you didn't have to go through it at all." Her extreme happyness had disappeared instantly.

"Hey," I said, trying to get back the smile that always cheered mr up. "I'm getting better every second. Plus, I'm a vampire, remember? Nothing can hurt me too badly." As if to prove my point, I ignored my screaming muscles and picked up Mare around the waist, pulling her on top of my. I had to hold back a moan of pain this time, and managed to let out just a tiny wince. The pressure hurt at first, but then the soulmate principle kicked in. and her touch seamed to make everything better. She pressed her lips to mine, so gently, as if she was afraid she might break me, and all of the pain seamed to go away for a while.

We spent the rest of the day just laying in my bed; kissing, talking, and occasionally Mare would start to hum. I didn't know any of the songs, but her voice was so soothing, so beautiful, I could just lose myself in it.

Mare didn't want to leave me, so we spent the nigh together. We fell asleep with our arms around each other, her beautiful voice still ringing in my ears, even though she was asleep.

**Yay! I finished this one really quickly. I can't think of anything to say, but I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I'm working on the next one already. Ummm…Please review! (I honestly can't believe I don't have anything else to say. Oh well!) **_**Peace, love, and chocolate!**_


	5. Can't Be Real

**Uh-huh, that's right. I DO NOT own the Night World. Rub it in a little more why don't cha?**

Two days later I was better, and ready to exchange blood with Mary-Lynnette again. I went over to her house that afternoon and prayed that her parents weren't home. My prayers weren't answered.

"Hi Ash." Claudine greeted me when she opened the door. "Mary-Lynnette's in her room."

I thanked her then headed up the stairs. I opened Mare's door with out bothering to nock, only to find her without a top on.

Her eyes widened, then she screamed "Get out!" and threw the shirt she had in her hands at me.

I closed the door quickly, managing to block the flying article of clothing with it. "What the hell are you doing half naked?" I yelled, probably loud enough for the whole house to hear.

"What the hell are you doing not knocking?" She mocked me. "And for your information, I accidentally spilt some water on my shirt, so I had to change into another one."

"Oh." I didn't have anything else to say anymore.

Eventually Mare opened her door and let me in. I looked her over to make sure she had everything on first, then entered her room. "Sorry about earlier." I mumbled.

She shrugged. "It's okay, you didn't mean to. Just knock next time, okay?"

I nodded, then we both moved to sit down on her bed. She immediately moved into the circle of my arms and tilted her head back in anticipation. I chuckled, "What, no protesting this time?"

She lifted her head back up to speak to me. "Well. I figured that since you were willing to do this for me, I would do my part to make it as easy as possible for you.

I sighed. "Everyone keeps talking about everything that I'm doing; you're doing a lot too Mare. Though I guess the choice wasn't too hard to make, you'll have to do stuff like feed everyday, and it would be best for you to come to Circle Daybreak with me while you're still an illegal vampire-"

She put a finger to my lips, telling me to hush. "Yes, but all of that was already expected, this is something new, something you usually wouldn't have to put up with."

"That's not a very good excuse." I mumbled around her finger.

"You're just saying that. Now hurry up and bite me." She leaned her head back again, exposing her throat to me.

And I complied. As soon as her blood touched my lips, our minds connected. Thoughts of love radiated from both of us, and I wrapped my mind around hers. Holding it and protecting it.

We carried on like this for a few minutes. I was almost done drinking when I heard footsteps outside of Mare's door. I prayed that the person outside wouldn't come into Mare's room, but the Goddess apparently didn't like me very much today. The footsteps stopped outside of the door, and I braced myself as it swung open.

*Mare's P.O.V. *

I was in complete bliss. Ash's fangs felt wonderful against my skin as he drank my blood. Our minds had become one, and I felt myself drifting slightly. That was, until dad came into my room.

"Hey Mare-" He started, walking into my room _without knocking. _When he saw the position Ash and I were in, he paused. Ash had stopped drinking and was looking up at my father; still holding me up thankfully. I felt so weak, I was sure that if it wasn't for Ash's strong arm around me, I would have fallen back on the bed. Once again, I was in a position where I couldn't move.

For the next few seconds we all just stared at each other, too stunned to speak. Then my dad exploded. "What the hell are you doing to my daughter you bastard!" Though my dad was yelling at Ash, he still hadn't moved from his spot in the doorway. Though he would never admit it, my dad was terrified of vampires.

"Dad don't. He's helping me." I tried to explain.

"How is him drinking your blood helping you?" He demanded.

"Because he's changing me." I said, raising my voice slightly. "My blood isn't good for him, but-but he's doing it anyways to save me."

He paused for a moment, thinking, then he said, "Alright Mare, I trust you." Then he turned to Ash. "But if you are taking advantage of her then I will personally come after you with a stake myself."

"It's not like that dad-" I started, but was cut off by Ash."

"I would never. I would stake myself before I took advantage of Mare. Sir." I looked over at Ash who was meeting my father's gaze evenly. My father's eyes widened slightly in surprise, neither of us had expected him to say that.

"And this is the only way to help you?" He checked.

"Yes dad."

"I wouldn't do it otherwise." Only Ash and I knew that that was a lie. Before I had gotten sick, Ash would have gladly taken my blood if I asked him. There was nothing in the world that felt the way it did when our minds connected.

My father starred at us for a few moments more, then left, leaving Ash and I to pick back up where we left off. He quickly made another small cut at the base of his throat again, and lifted me to him to drink. His blood was sweet like usual, but it had a hint of something else to it as well, something not normal. It was the faintest bit of spice, like someone had added pepper to Ash's blood.

_What is that? _I asked. Ash knew what I was talking about.

_That's what your blood tastes like, minus the sweet stuff._

That must not be very appetizing, I thought. _Has it always been like that?_

_Only since you got sick. You used to taste like strawberries._

_Well, that's disturbing._

_Sorry, I didn't mean to-_

_No, _I cut him off._ I mean the fact that my blood tastes bad now. I didn't think something like that could happen._

_Neither did I . _Ash thought ruefully.

When I was done we both laid down in my bed and quickly fell asleep. As I slept, I dreamed. Though my dream should more rightfully be called a nightmare.

I opened my eyes to find myself laying on my bed. I reached out to my side, but felt nothing. I looked over to see that Ash wasn't with me anymore. My eyebrows furrowed. Weird, it's not like him to leave without telling me first.

I got up out of my bed and looked down to see myself wearing a white dress. It was fitted down to my waist, then rested in soft folds down to my knees. The only strap started at the middle of the top of the dress then tied at the back of my neck. On my feet were strappy white sandals with a small wedge and a tiny golden buckle on each one. The out fit was beautiful, and very elegant.

I looked out the only window in my room to see that it was almost midday, not a cloud in the sky to block out the sun. I stood by the window for a few seconds, then I remembered something. There was something I was supposed to do. What exactly, I had no idea.

I raced out of my room and down the stairs into the living room, trying to find a clue as to what it was I was supposed to do. I expected to be alone, Dad and Claudine at work, and Mark either at school or at our sister's house. But I wasn't.

Dad and Claudine were on the couch, Claudine's face buried in my dad's chest as she sobbed softly. My father held her close, his own eyes wet with tears. Mark was sitting in a chair, no emotion on his face as he stared off into space. What is going on, I thought as I took in everyone's state of depression.

"Guys, what's going on?" I asked, but no one answered. No one ever acknowledged that I was there. "You guys, what's wrong? Hellooo?" I stood in front of Mark and waved my hands in front of his face. Still nothing.

Finally Mark spoke, but what he said wasn't directed at me. "I can't believe she's gone." Claudine gave another soft, broken sob, and my dad's breathing hitched.

"Who? Who's gone? Mark answer me!" I demanded. They all acted like I wasn't there.

"I knew it was going to happen, I just never really thought about it. I never expected-it to feel," He took a shaky breath, "like this."

And that was when it hit me. "Oh my god." I breathed. Mark was talking about me. No, I shook the thought away. I couldn't be dead, if I were dead, then what was I still on earth? I had never been too crazy about religion, but wasn't I supposed to be somewhere else by now? But then how come no one could see me?

I shook my head. I was going crazy, I had to be. I know, I'll go see Ash, maybe him or one of his sisters would know anything about what was going on with my family. I walked out of the house slowly at first, but when I got out side, I broke into a run. The weirdness of today's event were creeping me out, causing me to panic. I sprinted down the dust country road as fast as my high heeled feet would carry me.

When I finally got to the Redfern house, I was gasping for breath, and my side was pounding in pain. I hurried up the steps of the porch and knocked on the front door. I waited for a while, but no one answered. I knocked again, but still no one answered, so I just opened the door and let myself in. Only to find my blood sisters in almost the exact same position as my other family.

Jade was sobbing heavily, fat tears rolling down her cheeks as she held on to Rowan. Rowan was crying as well, delicate tears flowed as she let out a choked sob every now and then. Even strong, brave Kestrel was crying. She mourned in silence, not making a sound as a constant flow of water leaked from her eyes. I stood still for a few seconds, staring in shock as my sisters grieved over me.

"We should check on Ash." Rowan said suddenly, surprising me. But then I thought, _Ash. _If I really was dead, well, he must have lost it when he found out.

As if to prove my point, Kestrel said, "You're right, he's not screaming anymore. I hope he didn't do anything stupid."

"Do we really have to see him?" Jade spoke up. "I'm sure he's fine. Plus, I've never seen Ash like that before. It was kind of…disturbing. I mean, I can't imagine what kind of pain he must be in right now, but-"

I didn't stay to listen to anymore, because I _had_ to get to Ash. I had to show him I was still here somehow. And like Kestrel said, I had to keep him from doing anything stupid. I raced up the stairs and burst into Ash's room. In barely a second I had taken in the seen in front of me, and it broke my heart in two.

The curtains were drawn and all of the lights were out, making the room almost completely dark. I could just make out the figure of Ash, sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. I stepped closer, trying to get a better view of him. He was sobbing heavily, causing his body to shake uncontrollably. His hands were balled into fists as he pulled at his hair. His breathing was ragged and short as he gasped for air through his sobs. It hurt me to watch him suffer like that. I had to stop it.

"Ash." I called, my voice wavering slightly. Once again, it was like I wasn't even there. "Ash. Ash please! Speak to me!" I was right next to him now, basically yelling in his ear.

"Mare." He moaned. My heart leaped. Did he hear me? If could hear me, then he could help me. Plus, if he knew I was there, then he wouldn't be so sad anymore. But my happiness deflated quickly as I listened to him say more. " My sweet, sweet Mary-Lynnette. What did you ever do to deserve this? It should have been me that died, not you. I deserve it so much more that you."

"Ash please!" I sobbed, I couldn't stand to see anymore of this. I tried placing my hand in his shoulder, but it went right through. This caused images to flash through my mind, playing like a movie in my head. They were Ash's memories.

I saw Ash, slipping on his coat as he stood by the front door of his house. He was reaching for the doorknob so he could open the door, but suddenly, he stopped. He lifted a hand to his chest, right where his heart should be, then he let out a cry of pain. His knees gave way beneath him, and he collapsed on to the floor. He continued yelling, a cry so full of pain, misery, and infinite sadness, that it was enough to make even the cruelest person filled with pity.

Not long after, his sisters came rushing in. Rowan knelt next to the wailing Ash, while Kestrel and Jade just stood and stared in shock. Ash wouldn't stop screaming, no matter what his older sister did to try and calm him down. His howls filled the house, not stopping until he had no more air left in him. After that he simply sobbed. He clutched his sister's arm as he shook, constantly murmuring, "She's dead. She's dead. She's dead." Not stopping until the pain took him under, forcing him into blackness.

When he awoke, he was on his bed in his room. His sisters most likely had carried him. The pain came back, just as quickly as the first time it happened. Raw and fresh, filled with something that made you feel dead inside. Ash screamed again, crying out as the pain over took him. He carried on like that for an hour or so, every now and then yelling out my name. Eventually he calmed down slightly. After that he just sobbed, staining his pillow with tears.

I was jerked back out of his memories suddenly, having to take in my surroundings once again. Next to no time had passed, Ash was still sitting on the bed in front of me, his head in his hand as he cried.

"Oh, Ash." I breathed. He had been through hell and back, all because of me.

Ash sniffed, then spoke again. "I know I told you I wouldn't, but I just can't live without you. It hurts too much." I racked my brain for any idea of what he was talking about based on the few clues he had given me. I watched Ash closely as he reached into his pocket and pulled out something small and brown. A small wooden knife. And then I understood.

I reached for the object, but my hand went right through again. He brought it up to his chest and held it there, the point touching him through his shirt.

"Ash no!" I screamed, "I know you can't see or hear me, but I'm here. You have to stop, you can't kill yourself!" I reached desperately for the knife again, but it was no use.

I watched in horror as Ash first braced himself, the plunged the knife through his own heart. Blood soon seeped from the cut, running down his chest and staining his shirt. Ash fell forward off of his bed, and I moved to catch him, but he fell right through me.

Tears came in a constant stream down my cheeks, and I sobbed just as heavily as Ash had for me. I knelt next to my soulmate as his body began to change, making him look more like a mummy than a vampire. It was a shame considering how good looking he had been in life.

Ash no." I murmured once again through my sobs. "You stupid, stupid vampire. Why did you have to do that? Now _I'm_ the one that's all alone." Finally the pain came, starting first in my heart, then quickly spreading to every inch of my body. It felt like someone had taken a large knife and shoved it in to my chest.

I woke up screaming.

My piercing shriek filled the house for all of two seconds before a hand shot out from under the sheets and covered my mouth. I kept screaming though, tears slipping down my cheeks as I wailed. I felt arms around me tighten, and I looked over to my side to see Ash. He watched me with eyes filled with worry and slight panic, because he had no idea what was wrong with me.

I simply stared at him for a moment, trying to get the idea of him still being alive through my thick, unbelieving skull. When it didn't work, I turned hysterical. As fast as I could, I wrapped my arms around Ash's neck and pressed myself to him. He reacted almost instantly to my panicked state, holding me as tightly as he could without hurting me.

By then I had stopped screaming, but I continued to sob. It was clear that Ash was alive. I could feel his every breath through the movement of his chest, and hear his every heart beat. I could hold him as tightly as I wanted, but only a living man could hold me back. All of these things were proof, but in my mind I kept hearing over and over again, _Ash is dead. You watched him die with your own two eyes._

"No, he's alive. Ash is alive." I said to myself, in hopes that I would believe it.

"Yea Mare, of coarse I'm alive. Why wouldn't I be?" He asked. I couldn't see Ash's face, but his tone of voice told me that he was starting to freak out.

"Because I saw you die!" I sobbed, burying my head into his chest.

"What?" He asked. "Mare, was this a dream you had?"

"But it felt so real!" I wailed

"Mare, calm down. It was just a dream."

"No it wasn't. You died. You died and left me all alone!"

"Mare please!" Ash's voice had slowly gotten shakier and shakier until finally it broke, Ash was shaking ever so slightly as he tried to reason with me, not knowing what else to do. "I'm not dead, I'm right here. I'm not gonna go anywhere, I promise."

I continued as if I hadn't heard a single word that he said. "I don't want to be alone Ash! I need you here with me. But you weren't with me, you left. You left without even giving it a second thought."

Ash pulled away from me, and my rant ended when a usually gentle hand slapped me across the face. My cheek stung, but I didn't say anything else. I didn't turn my head to look back at Ash, but I could still him out of the corner of my eye. He bowed his head, dropping it so it hovered directly over mine.

He swallowed, then said. "Mare, I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean-. You just wouldn't stop panicking. I couldn't bare to see you like that. I had to stop you. I'm sorry."

I took a deep breath. "Ash, it's okay."

No, it's not. I shouldn't have done that. It's just that you were so scared, I had to do something, but I shouldn't have done that."

Finally I turned my head to look at Ash head on, then I reached out with my hand, placed it on the back of his head, and brought his lips down on to mine.

At first his lips were still, but I soon coaxed him into moving them along with mine. Ash was on top of me, but I felt none his weight, just his body covering every inch of me. Our jean covered legs tangled together, and my hands knotted themselves in his hair. His sent was all around, intoxicating me. He ran his tong along my bottom lip slowly, causing me to shiver in pleasure.

We continued like that for a while, tongs tied, limbs tangled, bodies so close together that from a distance they could have been mistaken for a single person. Finally we broke apart, gasping for air, causing our breath to mix together. Ash rolled over on to his side, taking me with him so we stayed locked in each others embrace. I rested my head against his chest, leaving it there for a while.

Finally I forced myself to look up and cheek the time on my alarm clock. I groaned and slumped back down into my bed.

"What?" Ash asked, pulling me back into his embrace.

"I have to get up in about half an hour and get ready."

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked, loosening his grip on me.

"No." I replied, grabbing his arms to keep them locked around me. "Stay. Just-just hold me."

His grip tightened around me, and he whispered in my ear. "Anything for you, Mary-Lynnette."

**Aren't they just like, the cutest couple ever?**

**I know, I know, none of you expected Ash to slap Mare, right? She was freaking out though, so he had to do something, right?**

**I'm really sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out, I expected it to be much shorter, but then I ended up making it very very long. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it, and remember to review.**


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